


Was It Worth The Cost?

by mtac_archivist



Category: NCIS
Genre: Character Study, Drama, Established Relationship, Friendship, M/M, Not Episode Related, Not a Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-30
Updated: 2008-03-30
Packaged: 2019-03-02 09:43:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13315530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtac_archivist/pseuds/mtac_archivist
Summary: Ducky is troubled by a recent decision.





	Was It Worth The Cost?

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Jessi, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [ MTAC](https://fanlore.org/wiki/MTAC), an archive of NCIS fanfiction which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after August 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator (and this work is still attached to the archivist account), please contact me using the e-mail address on [ the MTAC collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/mtac/profile)

I have never slept with a woman. 

Therefore, when she turned up and claimed to be my granddaughter, I knew she was lying. I knew her declaration could not possibly be true.

However, I could not have known, I could never have imagined, what the cost of my refutation, my denial, would be.

Sometimes, for a moment when I think about the cost, the loss, the devastating destruction, I wonder if, had I known then what I know now whether I would have gone on saying 'I have never slept with a woman'.

At other times I know I did the right thing. I did the only thing I could do.

But the cost. 

Was it too much? 

Was it worth it?

Two lives lost.

For what?

My pride?

My honesty?

My reputation?

My self-worth?

And it could have been even worse. God forgive me, but it could have been worse. I could have lost my beloved.

But is what happened worse?

He says no.

He says I did the right thing.

He says I did the only thing I could do.

Keep repeating 'I have never'.

But I do not know.

Sometimes I look at him and I wonder.

Maybe one day I will tell the full story.

Maybe one day when it is not so raw, so painful, so intense. When the loss does not cut so deeply, I _will_ tell what happened.

They say it will help.

But what do they know?

For the first time in my life, I am not certain of what is 'right' and what is 'wrong'.

Maybe one day I will tell.

But maybe I never will.


End file.
